President Trump Throughout History—3rd Installment

President Trump at the Berlin Wall

 

“Ich bin ein Berliner.”

A huge roar erupts from the crowd that seems to catch even the president by surprise. After several minutes, he speaks.

“Thank you. Thank you. That’s very nice of you. I don’t even know what that means but someone on my staff said it would draw a huge response and I guess he knew what he was talking about, even as it turns out, I didn’t know what I was talking about.

“They’ll be a little something extra in that man’s paycheck come the end of the month, and when I say a little something extra, you can bet it will be a big something extra because I don’t do anything little. I don’t even understand how a little can be extra. Doesn’t extra mean more?

“Anyway, I’m here today to talk about this wall, and I gotta say, this is the ugliest wall I’ve ever seen. I’ve looked all over and I can’t find a name anywhere.

“Who builds a wall this huge and doesn’t put his name on it?

“I’ll tell you who. Someone who isn’t proud of it. That’s who. And I don’t blame him. This is the drabbest, ugliest, most depressing structure I’ve ever seen, since the time I had to level half of Atlantic City to put up my Trump Casino.

“As I look at the bleak tenements and broken infrastructure on the other side of this wall, I wonder if its purpose isn’t so much to keep people in as to keep them out.”

Another aide whispers something in President Trump’s ear.

“I’ve just been informed that the purpose of this wall, indeed the only purpose of this wall, is to keep East Berliners in East Berlin. Well, that explains a lot but it doesn’t explain everything.

“It still doesn’t explain why it has to be so ugly. All the barbed wire and graffiti and holes boarded up with broken doors and ugly rock piles. And the landscaping. Don’t even get me started on the landscaping.

“I mean, if you’re going to build a wall, even a wall serving a bad purpose, it just doesn’t make sense not to take some pride in it. No one ever said a bad wall can’t at least look good. A paint job wouldn’t hurt it.

“Whoever is in charge of this wall and I assume someone is in charge—I’ve just been handed a paper with someone’s name on it. Really? Garbo...Gorba...Gorbachechowicz...looks like Gorba the Greek to me...”

The same person whispers something else in President Trump’s ear.

“I’m told his name is Gorbachev. That doesn’t even sound German to me. Whatever. I guess when in Berlin, do as the Romans would do.

“Anyway, all I’d like to say to this Gorbachev fella—if in fact that is his name—is this.

“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall. Tear it down and put up a new one—one that Germans on both sides of it can be proud of and I wouldn't be embarrassed to stand next to.”