President
Trump announces moon landing
“Usually,
announcements from the Rose Garden take place during the day and announcements
at night come from my Oval Office. However as you know, there’s nothing usual
about anything I do.
“I’m doing
things a little differently tonight because I’m making a very special, very
huge announcement. If you look over my shoulder, you’ll see a full moon shining
behind me. I don’t know which shoulder but its’s one of them. I suppose if I
stood in just the right spot, that moon would almost look like a halo to some
of you. I don’t know what that would mean although I suppose it would mean
something but that’s for you to decide.
“Anyway,
what I wanted to say, and I thought out here under this beautiful moon was the
only place to do justice to what I want to say, is that today or tonight—I
don’t know what it is on the moon but sometime in the last 24 hours my country
has landed some men on the moon. I don’t know how many exactly...I’ve been told
two and I have no reason to doubt them but it could be more or it could be
less...I do know it’s at least one. If it isn’t, then somebody has some
explaining to do but I’m sure it’s at least one, and probably two men that have
landed on the moon, which you can see right there over my shoulder.
“I hope I’m
standing in the right spot because I sure it’s a spectacular sight to see.
“Another
president said we would land a man on the moon but frankly I don’t think he
knew how the hell we were going to do it, and it probably wouldn’t have gotten
done—it might have but I don’t think so—unless I was here to see it get done.
“As you
know, there is no one better at completing big projects. I have huge hotels and
casinos everywhere but even I have to admit this is really huge.
“Landing two
men on the moon—and I have in fact been told that it was two men. I guess there
are three men up there so I don’t know why the third man didn’t land on the
moon...maybe he just didn’t want to because there are a lot of people who
simply don’t recognize opportunity when they see it, but even landing just two
men is really huge.
“As
president, I promise to find out why the third man didn’t also land on the moon
because being accountable to me is one of the demands I make of these brave men
in the space movement. All I can say is he better have been really sick or
he’ll be out so fast he won’t know what hit him.
“I’ve just
been handed a paper containing the first words spoken by the first man on the
moon. It’s pretty good. Here’s what he said.
“That’s one
small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”
“Does that
sound right? I dunno. It sounds like he was trying to hog all the credit
because weren’t there two men. What did the other guy say? I suppose it doesn’t
matter.
“All I would
add is, it hasn’t been a bad day for Trump either.
“Good night.
God bless America and me—and the man or men on the moon. I’m only kidding about
the man on the moon. Well maybe not...I guess now there is a man on the
moon...or two...I dunno.”
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