No Middle-Ground Trump.

Everything is beautiful, in its own way.

Ray Stevens sang those words back in 1970. It was a beautiful song, but the message was all wrong. In the first place, there are all different degrees of beauty.

Chrysanthemums are beautiful, but spelling chrysanthemums correctly in a spelling bee can be even more beautiful.

Obviously, being beautiful is beautiful, but winning a beauty contest is even more beautiful.

And some things, like victories that we think might be beautiful, aren’t beautiful at all, or don’t necessarily have to be.

Winning a track meet can be a beautiful thing, taking your breath away even more than the running did, but wars are ugly no matter whether you win or lose.

The same goes for winning arguments.

Poverty and starvation and disease are never pretty, much less beautiful.

So while it is noble to look for beauty everywhere, it’s foolish to think you’re seeing it everywhere.

In her 1878 novel, Molly Bawn, Margaret Wolfe Hungerford, a not-so-beautiful Irish author with a very un-pretty name first coined the phrase, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” possibly in self-defense. She may have been right.

On the other hand, she, like Ray Stevens, could have been wrong. Sometimes, beautiful just isn’t there.  

During the Army-McCarthy Hearings, at a point where Senator McCarthy was being particularly ugly, Army lawyer Joseph Welch asked Senator McCarthy the rather poignant question, “Sir, have you left no sense of decency?”  

The same question could be asked of President Trump, who since entering the public arena in 2015, has brought a certain degree of vitriol and hurtfulness to the presidency not normally seen outside a professional wrestling ring.

Nasty, brainless, ugly, unhinged, crazy, crooked, cheatin’, corrupt, sneaky, slippery, shady, slime ball, worst ever, wacky, psycho, reject, human scum, traitor, un-American, and ironically, empty barrel are just a few of the hundreds of insults he has hurled. Not at our enemies, but at Representatives and Senators, allies, department heads, cabinet officers, members of his own party, as well as Democrats, state governors, business leaders, high school students, everyday citizens, virtually every reporter working for the fake news, and even a teenage Noble Prize winner.

Obviously, the president has no sense of decency. For Donald Trump, living on a planet with over six billion people means living on a planet with over six billion stupid people, all of whom are out to get him. I would have liked to see his Christmas card list. I’m guessing, if he had one at all, most of the names had lines drawn through them.

And yet, there is another side to this man who sees nothing but ugliness in practically everyone  he must deal with. Trump has a beautiful relationship with inanimate objects, or things that don’t physically exist, like ideas that pop up in his head.

Opening up the country for business is a beautiful puzzle, and once we put it together, our beautiful economy will be more beautiful than ever.

Easter would be a beautiful time to begin.

All this is possible because of the beautiful tests. “We have beautiful testing.”

Being able to mine beautiful coal again will be a beautiful thing, but we will still need that beautiful pipeline.

And what about those beautiful Confederate statues?

And those beautiful military weapons—beautiful weapons for a beautiful military, and all paid for with beautiful American tax dollars.

When he travels, on his beautiful Air Force One, and lands in beautiful airports, he is treated beautifully by beautiful dictators who he has a beautiful relationship with, especially if they put his beautiful picture up on lights on their beautiful hotels.

The Syrian War was ugly, but we had a beautiful safe zone, where refugees were being taken care of beautifully.

Traitorous Democrats prevented him from signing what would have been a beautiful health bill. Those same un-American Dems are the only thing standing between a beautiful wall at the southern border between the U.S. and Mexico. We signed a beautiful trade agreement with them, but that doesn’t let the Mexican people, who are murderers and rapists off the hook.

On the subject of trade deals, how about that “beautiful, warm, nice call” with Ukrainian president Zelensky. Did I mention it was also perfect?  

Of course, who can forget those beautiful love letters from Kim Jong-un. While we can’t forget those beautiful letters, we must remember Melania, and his beautiful daughter Ivanka. And the other one, too.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention his beautiful temperament, which he never fails to do. Trump’s beautiful temperament is probably what allows him to hover between the ugly real world inhabited by everyone around him and the beautiful world that exists in his mind.

It’d be nice if someone asked Trump’s opinion on something and he said, “I don’t know. I’d have to think about it. I’ll get back to you.” Trump always has an opinion, and it always comes down to two choices—beautiful or despicable.

“Oh yeah, and you’re a jerk for asking.”

There is no middle ground with Trump. 

Another entertainment show, Project Runway, which was unable to launch its host into the presidency because it didn’t have beautiful ratings like The Apprentice, did teach us something. Things, even beautiful things, can change quickly.

One minute you’re up and the next minute you’re down. Just ask anyone who has worked for Trump—one minute you’re beautiful, the next minute, you're (see Nasty, brainless, ugly...paragraph above).