UFOs—Always Around and Always Round

I’m reading a book entitled Earth by Timothy Good that investigates the existence of UFOs. It’s not a bad book. I’m reading it because I’m fed up to my gills with the misinformation being floated about by so-called climate scientists and just about any other scientist for that matter. I’ve decided to branch out into more mainstream inquiry. That and it’s too damn cold outside to do anything else.

I’m not sure what my take on UFOs is. I did once talk to the man who claimed he was from Alpha Centauri back in that bar when I was in the Army. That would seem to indicate the existence of extraterrestrial life. On the other hand we were in a bar, so—so you see my problem.

It’s like the eyewitness account mentioned in the book when I was still in the Roman numeral numbered introductory pages. My reference to Roman numerals is only a cheap segue trick allowing men to mention that UFOs were spotted as far back as the days of the Roman Empire, when Lucullus was about to battle Mithridates when “all on a sudden, the sky burst asunder, and a huge flame-like body was seen to fall between the two armies. In shape, it was most like a wine-jar.”[1]

My only question as I read this account was, “Didn’t they have saucers in those days?”

But back to the eyewitness account. It seems a journalist, a sports journalist at that, was driving through a town at 4:15 one morning. That’s all I’m going to tell you about his account because there are very few places one could be driving to or from at 4:15 in the morning. Throw in that he was a sports journalist and I think we can safely assume he was drunk, wasn’t driving safely and didn’t see any UFO—in any shape whatsoever.

Then there is the report from a couple that encountered a flying saucer, also while driving one night. “‘We kept driving but we both ducked down, expecting it to hit us.’ I thought, ‘This is it. We’ve had it.’”

So far this seems pretty reasonable. I maybe would have stopped driving but had I continued I definitely would have at least ducked down, too. And I probably would have mouthed the words, “Oh shit,” which is practically the same as thinking, “This is it. We’ve had it.”

But what the man said next makes their story seem just a tad implausible.

Stellar Visitors Everywhere

In Hell on Earth, I write about a lot of events that seem to be tied together even when they occurred many years or often decades apart. Maybe that’s just the writer in me trying to tie things together.

One such event was the publication of my first free-lanced article in the LA Times entitled Tall Tales about a Stellar Visitor. There was just a short mention of the article in the book but there was much more to Tall Tales about a Stellar Visitor that made the event important enough to include in the novel.

The story starts on a quiet night in San Pedro when Cecil and I are sitting in a bar discussing the world and how we could fix it if someone gave us a chance. A man sitting next to us, possibly recognizing our unutilized potential announced to us that he was from Alpha Centauri and that he was down here observing. We spent the next several hours quizzing him to see if he was legit. I believe at one point we put a lighted match inside the heel of his shoe to see if he could feel pain. We also played a little pool with him to see if he had any superhuman skills. We also allowed him to buy numerous rounds to possibly determine just how big of an expense account someone traveling from another star might have to play around with. What we learned was that yes he could feel pain and no he didn’t have any special skills and yes aliens did travel quite comfortably. In the end we couldn’t reach any conclusion as to whether he was telling the truth and eventually returned home and forgot about the alien.

A few months later I picked up the LA Times to find an article about 22 Oregonians who had sold all their possessions and vanished in preparation for a rapture event they believed to be right around the corner, where most rapture events seem to be waiting. These faithful were led by the Bonnie and Clyde of the rapture movement, Marshall Applewhite, who called himself Bo and Bonnie Nettles, who went by the nom de plume Peep. Get it? The obvious question with these kind of stories is how much of it can or should we believe. In my article I related the story about the man in San Pedro from Alpha Centauri, if in fact he really was from Alpha Centauri and if in fact we really were in San Pedro. Again that should have been the end of it but just as some wells never go dry some stories never die.

Twenty years later, living in Virginia Beach, I picked up the paper again to read that 39 members of a cult group, “Heaven’s Gate,” had successfully committed suicide to coincide with the passing of the comet Hale-Bopp overhead, which apparently was their ride out of here. No word on whether the rapture was successful but get this, “Heaven’s Gate” was led by the dynamic duo Bo and Peep.

Put all these things together—the man claiming to be from Alpha Centauri, the Oregonians following Bo and Peep to nowhere, my article debunking the hysteria surrounding these missing Oregonians based on my actual meeting with an alien in a bar, and then the re-appearance of Bo and Peep in yet another trip to nowhere and I decided the episode earned at least a mention in a novel involving more than a little unexplained coming and going and at least a few stellar visitors.