Tuesday, December 29, 2015

If Republicans Ruled the World

Republicans don’t like wishy-washy, lukewarm, so-so or flip-flopping. What they do like is all-in for the long run, no matter what, come hell or high water. They like taking a stand and then giving their brains the rest of the day off.

In short, Republicans like pledges.

In the past, Republican leaders have signed pledges saying they won’t raise taxes. One can pretty much assume they have signed a pledge never to take any action not first approved by the NRA. They have signed pledges during the current primary campaign to support the Republican nominee, even if it comes down to the GOP elephant in the room, no one wishes to talk about. Now in Virginia, they want Republican primary voters to sign a pledge saying they will only vote for the Republican candidate in the general election.

I can see their point.

Nothing is more disconcerting for a sports team that once commanded tremendous fan support than to find themselves losing those fans because “things ain’t going well.”

If a sports team goes from winning to losing, their fair-weather fans are the first one to leave and are slow to come back. This couldn’t happen if sports fans signed pledges the way churches make parishioners do every time they want to build a new wing.

The same goes for supermarkets and department stores. If a store is, “your friendly shopping place,” it should always be your friendly shopping place. It shouldn’t have to keep bribing its customers with deals and promotions to keep them from taking their business to that brand new store opening across the street. Not when a single loyalty oath would do the trick.

Look at what has happened in Hollywood to the great movies of the past. Sure, they didn’t have the best writing or lighting or special effects, but they were there first and that should count for something. Shameless remakes shouldn’t replace what were once good—maybe not great, but certainly good movies.

In 1854, Timex® started making watches that “took a licking and kept on ticking.” That used to be enough. Not anymore. Today if a watch doesn’t provide the latest news and weather, send and deliver Tweets, start warming up the stove while you drive home from work, and remind you to feed the cat, it will find itself tossed into the trash can like yesterday’s newspaper, dial phones and skate key.

Looking back, I can tell you this. Timex® needed a signed pledge guaranteeing future support more than it needed John Cameron Swayze.

We have a Pledge of Allegiance to the flag and the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands. You would think that would cover everything, but it doesn’t. Republicans know this.

They have pledges for everything and everyone should follow their lead. We’d all benefit from being able to sit down and relax without having worry about the next good thing awaiting us around the corner. In fact, turning a corner is becoming such a risky maneuver that we’d all do well to sign a pledge never to change direction again.

Of course, pledges of future support can only be made to our sacred institutions and the values they stand for.

Pledging your loyalty to an individual is risky because individuals have been known to break their own pledges.

In the Republican Party, someone who breaks a pledge is a RINO—Republicans in name only.

But, RINOs aren’t the only turncoats.

LeBron James is a classic example. They loved him in Cleveland. Everyone bought his jersey. Then he left and everyone burned his jersey. No one had thought to make him sign a pledge to stay, He was a HTHINO—home town hero in name only, even though he was still born in Ohio and still the greatest player in the game. Of course, he returned and became a home town hero again but everyone had to go out and buy his jersey again. A pledge could have prevented this whole charade.

Anyone who can’t play along, shouldn’t be allowed to get along—and vice-versa.

“Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead,” is good enough as long as full steam ahead means doing what we always did, doing what we’re told to do, and most importantly, doing what you pledged to do. If the past was good enough in the past, it’ll be good enough in the future. The last thing we need is somebody going renegade, thinking for himself and upsetting the whole apple cart.

That reminds me. Whatever happened to apple carts?

 

 

 

 

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