President Trump Throughout History—4th Installment

President Trump addresses the 1^st Woman’s Rights Convention

in 1848 in Seneca Falls, New York

 

“I am very happy to be able to speak to you ladies today. It’s not as if I didn’t have other things to do. My staff tells me Europe is ripping apart at the seams, even as we speak. I’m guessing immigrants will be knocking at our door and in some cases breaking that door down. That’s okay as long as they follow the rules, although I suppose breaking the door down is against the rules, or should be.

“What I’m trying to say is, if we’re going to be letting all these rabble-rousers and trouble makers in...and some of them might be good people but the odds are—and being a casino man, I know something about odds—but the odds are pretty good that some of them will be bad or at least not as good as they should be.

“So if we’re going to let them all in or some of them in, we ought to first take care of our women folk, who have been here from, I’m guessing, as early as when the Mayflower landed.

“As most of you know, women would be hard-pressed to find a more loyal ally than me. Not that you’re going to need my help in this struggle. I was talking to Suzi Anthony a little earlier—and I hope no one takes this the wrong way—but there’s a woman that looks like she can handle herself in a street fight. I’m not saying she ain’t pretty, all I’m saying is she looks ready—if you know what I mean.

“And what about Lucretia Mott, named, my staff tells me, after that Roman matron who was supposedly raped and then committed suicide, and I’m thinking what parent names their kid after someone like that. Talk about being born under a bad sign. Personally, I like traditional names like Ivanka or Barron or The Donald.

“Anyway, I think woman suffrage is a good thing if it means no more suffering and if it doesn’t mean what I think it means than I don’t know why you gals got your panties all tied in a knot over what now, as I look at it deeper, is a pretty confusing name. But this whole woman-voting thing is such a radical idea that I’m kind of liking it the more I think about it and I’ve been thinking about it for...help me out someone...how long have I been up here? Five minutes? Really? I dunno, it seems a lot longer.

“Anyway, if I could, I have just one suggestion. Take it or leave it, but take it from me...take it. I know what I’m talking about.

“So this is my point. Why Seneca Falls? I mean you gals couldn’t find a more obscure place to hold a rally unless you held it on some desolate cornfield in the middle of Iowa. I don’t know if you’ll be having any more rallies. My guess is this suffering woman line you’re pushing isn’t going to go away overnight even if it is already getting old fast.

“We have a saying in the real estate business. Location, location, location. I gotta tell you, from what I’ve seen, Seneca Falls isn’t the location you’re looking for. Frankly, I don’t think it’s a location anyone in their right mind is looking for.

“That said, I think I can help you girls and what girl doesn’t need a man’s helping hand when the times get rough? I’m opening a brand new hotel, right on the oceanfront in a town that no one has ever heard of but believe me, everyone will be talking about it now that I’m there.

“They’ll be a huge hall where you gals can get together and not only do your business but also do your nails. You can kick back in a luxurious lounge or walk the boardwalk or just relax in our beautiful spa. That’s right, Suzi. Thirty minutes in that spa will do you a world of good. Did I mention the Continental breakfast?

“Sure you have complaints. Who doesn’t? Well, I don’t but that’s just me, but you gals can showcase those gripes in a beautiful setting where not only you, but everyone listening to you can feel better about themselves. Believe me, the first step in getting better is feeling great. And I have never felt greater, or better, or better than great, which I don’t know if there is such a thing but if there is, I’m there.

“God Bless America, me and women.”

 

 

President Trump Throughout History—3rd Installment

President Trump at the Berlin Wall

 

“Ich bin ein Berliner.”

A huge roar erupts from the crowd that seems to catch even the president by surprise. After several minutes, he speaks.

“Thank you. Thank you. That’s very nice of you. I don’t even know what that means but someone on my staff said it would draw a huge response and I guess he knew what he was talking about, even as it turns out, I didn’t know what I was talking about.

“They’ll be a little something extra in that man’s paycheck come the end of the month, and when I say a little something extra, you can bet it will be a big something extra because I don’t do anything little. I don’t even understand how a little can be extra. Doesn’t extra mean more?

“Anyway, I’m here today to talk about this wall, and I gotta say, this is the ugliest wall I’ve ever seen. I’ve looked all over and I can’t find a name anywhere.

“Who builds a wall this huge and doesn’t put his name on it?

“I’ll tell you who. Someone who isn’t proud of it. That’s who. And I don’t blame him. This is the drabbest, ugliest, most depressing structure I’ve ever seen, since the time I had to level half of Atlantic City to put up my Trump Casino.

“As I look at the bleak tenements and broken infrastructure on the other side of this wall, I wonder if its purpose isn’t so much to keep people in as to keep them out.”

Another aide whispers something in President Trump’s ear.

“I’ve just been informed that the purpose of this wall, indeed the only purpose of this wall, is to keep East Berliners in East Berlin. Well, that explains a lot but it doesn’t explain everything.

“It still doesn’t explain why it has to be so ugly. All the barbed wire and graffiti and holes boarded up with broken doors and ugly rock piles. And the landscaping. Don’t even get me started on the landscaping.

“I mean, if you’re going to build a wall, even a wall serving a bad purpose, it just doesn’t make sense not to take some pride in it. No one ever said a bad wall can’t at least look good. A paint job wouldn’t hurt it.

“Whoever is in charge of this wall and I assume someone is in charge—I’ve just been handed a paper with someone’s name on it. Really? Garbo...Gorba...Gorbachechowicz...looks like Gorba the Greek to me...”

The same person whispers something else in President Trump’s ear.

“I’m told his name is Gorbachev. That doesn’t even sound German to me. Whatever. I guess when in Berlin, do as the Romans would do.

“Anyway, all I’d like to say to this Gorbachev fella—if in fact that is his name—is this.

“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall. Tear it down and put up a new one—one that Germans on both sides of it can be proud of and I wouldn't be embarrassed to stand next to.”

President Trump Throughout History—2nd Installment

President Trump announces the Louisiana Purchase

 

“Today, I am happy to announce a really big deal—one of the biggest deals I have ever made and I’ve made some pretty big deals. Those of you who know me well and I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t know me well because I’m always out there for everyone to see. I’m not one to shy away from the spotlight. Maybe I don’t know everyone but I’m pretty sure everyone knows me...anyway, before I get too far off track, like I said, today I’m announcing a really huge deal. It’s so huge—and people know I only do really big deals, but this deal is so huge I’m not even going to call it a Trump deal because I really don’t have to. People are going to call it a Trump deal anyway.

“Besides, there are plenty enough deals to call Trump deals, so I ain’t worried. But this deal is so huge that I’m going to call it—and you have my permission to call it this too...no hard feelings. I’m calling this deal the Louisiana Purchase.

“No one in the whole history of deal making has gotten so much for so little. By the way, I certainly didn’t start the history of deal making but I did write the book on it. I will say this. Deals have been going on forever but they didn’t start getting huge until I started making them.

“I love you too. Someone out there just couldn’t help himself and I appreciate that.

“So I know people will want to know how a deal this huge went down and I’m going to tell you. The simple truth, without throwing a lot of gobbly-gook details out there that even I would have a hard time explaining—or understanding for that matter—if I didn’t have the best deal makers in the world working for me. I simply told them to go out and make the best deal ever and that’s usually all anyone has to hear if they know what’s good for them.

“No huge deal is easy. If they were, they wouldn’t be huge. To make this deal a reality, I had to go up against one of the most powerful men in the world. He’s not as powerful as me and I’m sure he knows that now, but he still has a lot going for him. I don’t want him to feel too bad because I might need to make another deal with him in the future.

“I have to say this Napoleon feller probably thinks a little bit more highly of himself than he should because he has all those medals hanging from his shirt, which I’ve been told, most of them he gave to himself. Frankly, I don’t believe in medals because if you have to go around tooting your own horn, how good can you really be? I’ve always said, you do something, you put your name on it so everyone knows who did it and that should be all the credit anyone needs. You don’t need medals. If someone sees something with my name on it and they like it, that’s not tooting my own horn because that’s someone else tooting my own horn. I will say this, I hear a lot of tooting everywhere I go.

“In fairness to this Napoleon, he does seem to have a lot on his plate right now and many would say this is a good thing. Many of them would sometimes be right. But maybe he has too much going on. I’ve been making deals, usually unusually huge deals, since before this Napoleon guy was a whore’s son scavenging around the streets of Corsica for his next meal. It didn’t take me long to figure out that he seemed a little bit tired...I don’t know if overwhelmed is the word, but what the heck, I’m just putting it out there. He seemed a little bit distracted by everything going on and it didn’t take me long to discover he was also pretty cash strapped. The third strike he had going against him was he didn’t have a clue about what he had in the first place.

“He had half the empires in Europe under his thumb and must have decided he didn’t need something as insignificant as a territory.

“Once I recognized this, I said to Napoleon, ‘Come on down.’

“To his credit, and I believe in giving credit where credit is due—the opportunities just don’t come up that often—Napoleon answered my call.

“Before he knew what hit him, I had bought the richest piece of landscape this side of Fifth Avenue for nothing more than chump change, which is almost as good a deal as when we got Manhattan for a handful of trinkets, which I suppose I could have done better but even I can’t do everything.

“Anyway, talk about a deal, and believe me, people will be talking about Trump’s purchase—oops, my bad—about this Louisiana Purchase for years to come.”

 

 

President Trump Throughout History

 

President Trump announces a new government

 

“Well, I told you I’d do it and I did it. Our country finally has a Constitution and I can honestly say, it’s a lot better than the last one we had and I’m guessing you know who to thank. You’re welcome.

“A lot of good men came together with many good ideas—and a few bad ones, but that’s okay because the good news is I was there to keep an eye on them. I know how to make a deal. I know how to get results.

“Speaking of results, I’ve looked at the final product and I have to say—and this isn’t boasting because as I’ve said before, it’s not boasting if it’s true. I don’t know what you’d call it—maybe toasting—truesting without the rue because I never rue anything—and some other stuff thrown in there...oa...I dunno what that’s all about.

“Anyway, what I’m saying is this final product—and I’m going to call it a Constitution...I don’t know what others will call it, but I think Constitution is appropriate. I have to say it came out pretty much the way I thought it would when I got into these talks. And I really mean it when I say these were all good men and I don’t want to hog the attention.

“I’ll only say, I did steer them in the right direction because that’s what great leaders do and great leaders get great results. I think anyone reading this document will agree, it is a really great document and I’m just happy to have played a role—some will say a big role—I’ll just say a role and leave it to others to say how big a role I played, but if they say a big role they won’t be wrong.”

The Robfogel Paper Warehouse

     I was back in Rochester following a most successful freshman year at Lowell Tech—in fact, it would prove to be my only successful year at Lowell Tech, but who’s counting? The point is, I needed a job.

How I arrived at the Robfogel Paper Warehouse escapes me, like so many other details from that now ancient, but still revered by me time known as the sixties. It must have been networking to some extent because I didn’t even know there was a Robfogel Paper Warehouse.

Shipments of all sorts of paper products arrived at the warehouse to be repackaged and redistributed to local businesses by the small cadre of Robfogel truck drivers. A railroad track ran right up to their back door and every three or four days, a boxcar filled with paper products was dropped off at the warehouse.

I was hired along with a guy I knew only as Red, who was going into the marines at the end of the summer. Our job was to load the trucks each morning and then unload the boxcar, stack its contents onto pallets and stack the pallets in the warehouse.

With a great deal of anticipation, we’d break the seal and push the large door aside to discover what products we’d be unloading. If our boss knew, he wasn’t letting on. Every job began the same way—find a box at the top, in the middle, pry it out and then work our way to both ends. The two of us went home each day looking like we’d spent the day in a sweat shop, which wasn’t that far from the truth.  

All through high school, I had worked as a janitor at Annunciation, both the school and the church. I always enjoyed the physical nature of the work—pushing and pulling those heavy old-fashioned mops across 10-foot swaths of hallways and classrooms. What I discovered working at Robfogel was that I really didn’t know what physical work was.  I also discovered just how big a boxcar is—about 6,000 square feet, and how much paper stacked bottom to top, end to end, one can hold. I also learned just how all encompassing the term paper products could be.

What’s in a Name?

It’s possible to make money playing cards. Some people even get rich doing it. But for the vast majority of people, playing cards means killing time.

If you’re playing cards, you’re not cutting the grass, fixing that leak in the sink, or painting that room.

You’re not doing something that will create lasting value or lead to accomplishments like writing the great American novel or simply figuring out where the garden should go to produce the most beans.

Still card games can be fun.

Winning almost any card game you play depends on getting what we call the “Trump card.” What can we say about the “Trump card” except that it is the epitome of short term success? As achievements go, getting a Trump card is among the shallowest accomplishments—entailing little more than dumb luck. It is the American-Dream-lite—all you ever wanted for the shortest time possible.

By short term, I’m not even talking about the often sought after and seldom realized fifteen minutes of fame. Fifteen minutes is an eternity compared to the length of satisfaction gained from acquiring a Trump card, which might last only a few moments before another Trump card comes along…and another…and another.

Trump cards are like coins in a penny roll—worth little more than a dime a dozen and practically useless. They’re like jokes in a vaudeville act—“I got a million of them.”

Try remembering the last Trump card you had or anticipating what the next one will be. You’ll know it when you see it and will forget it as soon as it’s out of sight.

 

Ah, but for that fleeting moment, that brief snippet of a second when you slap that game clincher down on the table and then look up to see the faces of your opponents, that Trump card becomes not only a winner but a measure of its holder’s self-worth. It calls out to that small world of people sitting around that table, “This is huge, look at me, read 'em and weep.” In short, the player holding the Trump card is declaring for all to hear, but let’s be honest, mostly for his own ego, the awesomeness of being him.”

Trump cards can come in any shape or size. Well, that’s not true. But any card can be a Trump card. A Joker can be a Trump card. A wild card can be a Trump card. A Joker posing as a wild card can be a Trump card. For Trump cards, the general rule is there is no rule. Anything goes.

The Trump card is no more than a simple solution to a minor challenge. Nevertheless, in that most idle moment of participating in that most self-indulgent activity, this challenge—whether it be drawing an ace or picking up a lowly deuce—is the only thing that matters. In that moment, the Trump card is as good as gold. 

Yes, it’s as good as gold but gold isn’t everything as most wise men will tell you. Smart people don’t gold plate their golf clubs because they know that all the gold in the world don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that swing. Neither do smart people gamble away their homes or risk their futures anticipating a Trump card.

There are more decks of cards than guns in America and while every card in each of those decks can be a Trump card, most of the time, most of those cards are losers.

Whether in a deck of fifty-two or a hand of seventeen, a Trump card is nothing more than a means to an end—a fleeting moment of excitement and short lived entertainment—nothing more than a good way to kill time until something better comes along.

So back to the point, what’s in a name?

If the name’s Trump, it’s rump.

Time for Action

     I've written about campaign finance before and this piece pertains somewhat to the subject. Our elections suffer greatly because how much money a candidate can raise supersedes what new ideas he can come up with. Our election process is in this state because nothing has been done  to address this problem. Both parties are at fault.  In the fifty years since Rep. Wright called for campaign finance reform in his Harpers Magazine article in 1967, politicians have devoted all their efforts in regard to campaign finance reform to getting an edge rather than solving the problem.
     
     But it is also about learning a bigger lesson: Fix problems when they are still fixable.
 

Time for Action

 

     Former U.S. House Speaker Jim Wright recently died. He was expelled from the House for shady money dealings, coincidently at the hand of Newt Gingrich, who would himself be tied to shady money dealings. Prior to his expulsion, I never paid much attention to Wright, even though he had served in the House for over thirty years.

I have to admit when Wright’s problems first surfaced, I concluded for myself that he was nothing more than another crook who had used the system for his own personal gain.  But then I read an article written by him for Harper’s Magazine in 1967 and was impressed by this quote.

“No facet of American life cries our more loudly for reform than the dingy gray area of political campaign financing, which casts a lengthening shadow across all else we do in our elective political institutions…The price of campaigning has risen so high that it actually imperils the integrity of our political institutions.  Big contributors more and more hold the keys to the gates of public service.  This is choking off the wellsprings of fresh, new thought and severely limiting the field of choice available to the public…One curious by-product of big money in politics is the slick, shallow public-relations approach with its nauseating emphasis on ‘image’ at the expense of substance.”

After reading that quote, I decided I might have been wrong. Maybe he was not so much a bad man who had used the system, as he was a weak man who had let the system destroy him.

Keep in mind this quote is from 1967.

Kennedy and Nixon spent a total of $20-million in their 1960 campaign, one that was so close, probably every nickel spent was necessary.

The 2012 presidential election cost about $2.5-billion.

The 2016 presidential spend-off is predicted to exceed five billion dollars with one billion coming from just two guys. It is helpful to remember that actual expenditures in this country for almost anything, almost always go beyond predictions.

At this rate, a trillion-dollar election cannot be too far down the road. That’s a lot of 30-second ads, balloons, and yard signs—all for a job offering $400,000 and all the abuse you can stand.

It should be clear to everyone that all three branches of government have failed in their effort to reform campaign spending. Reform has never been the goal; only getting an edge. I don’t even know if it’s possible to stop this train wreck we call the election process.

Maybe we shouldn’t even try. Perhaps we should write it off as the cost of doing business. That would be the business approach to throwing that much money down the toilet.

Possibly there is a lesson to be learned from Speaker Wright’s experience.  Maybe we can find another area where this “slick, shallow public-relations approach with its nauseating emphasis on ‘image’ at the expense of substance” is actually causing the nation more harm than good.

Whatever the cost of addressing global warming—and I’m not a scientist, so I am going to defer to the scientist on this one—wouldn’t it be better, and cheaper, to act now rather than later. As with campaign finance reform, the cost of doing nothing far exceeds the price of doing something in a timely manner.

 

For that matter, wouldn’t it be better to approach every problem facing our nation this way: immigration reform, rebuilding our infra-structure, addressing student debt, and yes, improving Obamacare instead of continually trying to dismantle it. Our politicians talks about American exceptionalism, but everything they do speaks to mediocrity.    

It's time for them to embrace that ‘can-do’ spirit they are always talking about—the one our forefathers had, which they seem to lack? With all the problems facing our nation and the world, wouldn’t this be a good time to do something—something besides giving the people that are buying our elections a tax break?

If they did this, and I know it is a big if, but if they did, maybe, just maybe politicians wouldn’t have to spend a billion dollars telling us what a good job they do.