This just in...

Regarding Federal Reserve decision to raise interest rates:“They’re making a mistake because I have a gut, and my gut tells me more sometimes than anybody else’s brain can ever tell me.”

Regarding scientific findings on climate change: “One of the problems that a lot of people like myself, we have very high levels of intelligence, but we’re not necessarily such believers. 

You look at our air and our water, 

and it’s right now at a record clean.”

This just in from the House Intelligence Oversight Committee:

We know for the past two or three years, or possibly the last 20 or 30 years, people—some people—but definitely real people, have been asking to see Donald Trump’s tax returns. We would all like to know where and whom he’s gotten his money from, how he’s managed to survive so many bankruptcies, and how many women he has paid off to keep his affairs out of the news. We’d like to know whether he is a billionaire or billowing cauldron of hot air.

We’d certainly like to know these things.

However, after listening to him talk for a year on the campaign trail, being exposed to two years of non-coherent rambling coming out of the Oval Office, and being subjected to nonsensical tweets that appear to be written by someone taking an ESL course, our committee has decided there is something more important for Americans to know.

For this reason, we, on the House Intelligence Oversight Committee, have contacted Kew-Forest Elementary and New York Military Academy and subpoenaed Trump’s I.Q. tests results.

He should not be allowed to talk to one more foreign leaders—either publically or privately, or enact one more questionable policy decision snatched out of thin air after fermenting in that vat he calls his brain, albeit for 30 years or 30 seconds, until Americans know if their president possesses the basic intelligence needed to make high level decisions.

We don’t need a psychiatrist’s report to know if he’s crazy. We don’t need a quack doctor telling us he’s the healthiest president ever. We certainly know those around him lie as much as he does. We don’t need close friends or associates telling us he’s really a funny guy who’s simply getting a bad rap. We know for a fact that any rap he gets is a rap well deserved.

We do have to know, once and for all and beyond any reason of doubt, whether the president is an idiot, because we know what damage idiot leaders have done in the past.

Furthermore, it comes down to more than agreeing he acts like an idiot. Behaving like an idiot is every man’s right in a free country that guarantees the right to happiness, just as being able to vote for a man who behaves like an idiot is also a guaranteed right.

Maybe our founding fathers were too generous.

Nevertheless, behaving like an idiot and being an idiot are two different things.

A person who is not an idiot, but merely behaving like one, can shape up. He can wake up one morning, shake the cobwebs out of his head, and declare, enough is enough. I’m going to stop acting like a jerk. For a person who is not an idiot, this is a reasonable expectation. People turn their lives around all the time.

Let’s be honest. This is what we have all been hoping for. It doesn’t happen often, but it can happen, but it usually doesn’t.

Kids do it as part of the natural maturing process. They stop the name-calling, constant fighting, pushing and shoving. They become more responsible and less erratic. In short, they grow up. They can do this because they are not idiots.

Idiots don’t grow up. Their intelligence limitations keep them frozen in time—forever young, but unfortunately forever incapable of functioning in a grown-up world.

We don’t know what the case is with Trump. He could be someone simply pretending to be an idiot—and it would take a super smart person to explain why anyone would do this, or he could be an idiot. No one knows, but anyone who is not an idiot should want to know.

Trump often points to his brain and tells us what a smart man he is. This isn’t something we absolutely cannot take his word for.

We don’t believe him when he tells us how rich he and what a smart businessman he is because we know about the bankruptcies, business failures, and inability to get a loan from anyone other than Russian oligarchs.

We don’t believe him when he tells us he’s not a racist because he continues to spout racist comments, enact racist policies, and—to his great chagrin—racists seem to love him.

We don’t believe him when he tells us he’s not a misogynist because we have heard him so many times bragging about being a misogynist.

We can’t go on believing what he tells us about his “great brain” when we have seen so much that tells us just the opposite. We don’t know if he is really an idiot or whether it is all an act to make him more appealing—and someone, someday will have to explain to me how that works.

We don’t need to talk to him. That would tell us nothing because we know listening to him for the last forty years has told us nothing.

We need to see those I.Q. test scores.

After that, we can look at his financial records.

After that, there might be a lot of his own associates questioning their own intelligence.

One final point. We all have guts and we all have brains. Wise men, using their brains, understand that guts should only be used to digest their food. Trump is right about one thing. Nobody else's brain can ever tell him anything.